My Question: What Happened to the Deepness?

September 30th, 2011 § 0 comments § permalink

Amber,

I have to make a confession. I’ve started school. I’ve been stressed about money. Freaked out over a broken laptop. Thrown a baby shower. Searched (and am searching) for a job. I’ve turned 25. And I’ve watched many many episodes of Criminal Minds. In the midst of it all, I’ve made a realization and I need to confess:

I’ve disengaged.

The last post I wrote was on August 12th. The last post I even attempted was on Even the Rain – still sitting in drafts. It’s not like deepness hasn’t been happening since August. Politics continue to be a mess. Talking heads are still problematic. TV and movies (The Help anyone?) continue to offer a wealth of “wtf”s. The execution of Troy Davis alone warranted multiple postings. No, it’s not that there isn’t deep shit to write about. It’s that I’ve stopped listening.

I’m ashamed to say it. I only half watch the news and I skim the paper. I’ve quit my daily perusing of blogs and news sites. I no longer click on the fascinating articles people post on Facebook. I don’t even click on the silly ones. I’ve stopped engaging and exchanging in ideas.

It’s freakin sad. Suddenly, I woke up and realized I’m isolated. Suddenly, I realized it’s been awhile since I’ve gotten downright pissed. Or that I was itching to say something. To respond. To react. To act.

What the hell happened? I’ve been feeling a little lifeless. I miss it. I miss hearing what others are saying. I miss confronting the ugliness of privilege in society. I miss shaking my fists. I miss battling out my thoughts.

So I’m back, girl. I here commit to being engaged.  I’m back in the world. Cuz it never stopped even while I did.

I need this. I am so ready.

Where am I?

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