Reflections of Faith: She is God

April 6th, 2011 § 0 comments

Amber,

So the other day I was just chilling on the floor petting my dog (yes) when I suddenly had a thought, “why don’t I seriously explore what it means to call God ‘Mother’?”

This wasn’t (and isn’t) a new thought. I’ve discussed with others before about the power behind understanding God as feminine, not only masculine. After all, God has no gender or sex. What was new was my sudden desire to really truly know God as feminine. To understand this “side” of God. To call God mother.

So I went to my sister and explained my plan. And together we committed to praying to God as mother, asking God to help us know her as our mother, to understand God as feminine.

And it is deep. Language fails me. The names that I call God are masculine to me. They feel male. I’ve had to call God “God/mother” because even “God” invokes masculine imagery for me. I’ve had to work hard to focus my energy on calling and knowing the Lord as my mother.

It’s been like pounding on a 20 foot deep brick wall. My prayers are a struggle (more so than usual) with a sort of “is anybody listening?” quality. I don’t really know God as my mother – it’s like meeting someone for the first time. Intellectually I know it’s true, but emotionally and spiritually I’m struggling to “know.”

Who is God if she is my Mother? How do I relate to God if she is my Mother? All my life I have called God “he.”

If I am made in God’s image and God is “she,” what does that say about me?

If God is “she,” how do I relate to my earthly mother, my sister, my girl friends?

What does it mean for my understanding of God’s majesty and glory? Of power? Of love?

Who does it tell me God is if God is “she?”

These are the questions I ask as I beat against the wall – trying to feel God/Mother. I know God has changed my life and continues to do so. And I know that God desires to break through all the crap built up in my mind and my heart so that I know her (I almost wrote him!) more. A lot of that crap is about gender – expectations, feelings, insecurities. A lot of that crap I don’t even recognize.

When calling God “mother” I’ve run into feeling as if I’m praying to a different God. That this is a different “part”- one that I haven’t prayed to before. But God does not have split personalities. God is whole. God is mother and father and so much more. Language fails because human understanding at some point fails. We understand God through a lens that is misty. Our vision is not yet clear.

But my hope is in God and that God reveals herself – as both Mother and Father. And through that my human understanding will change (will I see God as all-powerful if I don’t call her “he”?). I pound at this wall because I feel the excitement and energy of what must be beyond.

Who is God?

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