Life as a Twenty-Something: A Blogging as Therapy Installment

January 25th, 2012 § 0 comments

Amber,

There’s a moment in “Garden State” where Zach Braff, Natalie Portman and Peter Saarsgard yell into a giant hole in the ground. It’s a perfectly constructed scene of rain, garbage bag ponchos and Simon & Garfunkel playing in the background – it screams, “this here is a turning point!”

I like it, though. I would really love to let out a primal scream in the rain, sending my voice into the direction of an abyss (read: life), and hell, end it all with a kiss.

Perhaps it’s melodramatic, but I blame that on my twenties.

I remember at 13 thinking that everything became clear when you reached “adulthood.” By college, I would know all. I would know exactly where I was headed, if I hadn’t already reached it, and would live a “Friends” style life of laughter-filled escapades, “work” that didn’t seem to interfere, and probably a wedding (eventually).

I’m not bemoaning the fact that adulthood doesn’t actually turn out to be like “Friends.” Best friends sleeping with best friends is a hot mess. But I suppose I am bemoaning that confusion in life is never as fun (or funny) as every half-hour with the gang seemed to be. And that the attractions from such a life – a desire to be living in a giant apartment with friends across the hall, with a favorite coffee shop and an insanely large closet filled with clothes – are simply a mask for the confusion. At least in my case.

I feel as if I’ve been here before. Wasn’t it just last year that I wondered where my life was going? And why wasn’t I able to see it more clearly? Wasn’t it just two years ago, at the start of this blog, that we talked about this time we’re in – the “to be determined” phase?

I think I’m beginning to hate my twenties. * cue melodramatic soundtrack *

I’m realizing it just repeats itself: moment of clarity, vast abyss of uncertainty, moment of clarity…. Zach Braff’s character, if the movie had continued, probably eventually breaks up with Natalie Portman and has to go find another hole to scream into while its raining.

Oh dear. Am I turning into a pessimist? I hope not. Am I whining? Ugh, I don’t want to be. I feel as if I’m beginning to sound like an angsty teenager, à la Twilight or every CW show. But today, while “blogging as therapy,” I’m seriously having a moment.

So, Amber, can we revisit an old question

How do we seize the damn day?

For starters, I might need to let go of movie and tv references.

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